On Restlessness

“For when you consistently find yourself taking the wrong road in life, there comes a point when you either have to get up off your feet to try the path you’ve been putting off, or you resign yourself to sinking even more deeply in despair.”
-My Journey Up the Mountain, Francisco Petrarch, The Lost Origins of the Essay, John D’Agata

Notes from last night…er, this morning

Text taken backwards. It reads:

Maturity is when you choose realism over idealism when you ____ (probably have) courage and consideration,

Written at around 3am-4am at my current favorite bar at Cucina ni Chef.

The venue at day time, when I was sober and interviewing chef prior to the epiphanies written this (early) morning. Funny, that’s the same spot I wrote the note a day after (but not sober and Chef was behind the bar :)).

Update as of this morning: The group that sat on those empty chairs and discussed life, alcohol, green innuendo, and everything else. Picture via one of the wisest ladies I know, Aia 😉

L-R: Aia, Nina, Gela (aka the Capricorns that once ruled LP together), Kiki, and Jaeson (aka the latest additions to the Bella bitches)

Nothing will be forgotten from this night. Till the next crazy but contemplative night ladies/gentleman 🙂

To summarize… a few lines from “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons.

It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand?
I’m never changing who I am

So this is where you fell
And I am left to sell
The path to Heaven runs through miles of clouded Hell right to the top
Don’t look back
Turning to rags and giving the commodities a rain check

A thank you list

It’s been a loooooooong while since I’ve done this. So here’s a list to cap off what was an eventful, but ultimately, a blessed week and what it gave without any expectations:

  1. Another chance at life. And many more every time I cross a street and end up on the other side.
  2. A longer life for my parents and another chance for all four (five, with our new puppy!) of us to stay together as a family.
  3. A longer life made bearable despite the constant annoyances by the unique mix of friends I have at work and outside of it.
  4. The birth of a good friend’s child! Congratulations on your healthy baby boy 🙂 Motherhood has kept you beautiful as ever.
  5. Proving yet again, I can accept and fulfill a challenge, along with help from a new friend.
  6. The assurance of financial stability given without any bugging from my side. Sometimes, opportunities suddenly arrive in your inbox, metaphorically falling onto my lap.
  7. Proving to myself (by simply deciding to help a friend with her CRAZY amount of work) I can do InDesign. I’ve been InDenial too long, thinking I could only do text adjustment. But as Kiki said, “just play with it” (ayy) and the rest follows. Pat on the back when the boss said the work (albeit a template I just tweaked, nothing fancy or challenging!) I did “looked great!” Also, he is no longer surprised two of his writers now are capable of layout :)))).
  8. The realization that God does answers prayers, sometimes, in very unconventional ways. Or maybe he was just waiting for this little act to settle itself according to inevitable events 😉
  9. Loving what I study and learning something new twice a week.

Thank you, thank you.


Up, up here we go

It’s not quite sinking in yet. The fact that the car hydroplaned to the other side of C5, jumped off the island division, and nearly crashed into Heritage Park. How apt, heritage park.

It hasn’t sinked in yet, that one of my friends, ever comic in timing said “kapag masamang damo, di namamatay.” A high five was done to celebrate my family’s accidental brush with death.

Oh, and I wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

Death chooses no one. On this same day, a friend’s father passed away. The other week, another dad’s time came. 

Life persists. A friend finally gave birth yesterday. Just last month, a follow up resulted in news of a baby.

Life, death, life, death. In between, second chances.

In my case, a third. Months ago, a drunk driver ran the red light as our taxi crossed the highway. The driver hit the brakes just in time. What a difference the brakes make.

What a difference a break makes.

Last year, there was that taxi ride that could have ended with me penny less, virginity less, or worst, life less.

Sometimes, life punches you in the face to remind you: Is this the life you want to leave and look back on? And if given a third chance, a life you’d want to wake up to?

The first step was the MA to making a life I’d want to wake up to. In spite of the hydroplane, the universe steered the car such that I could make it to class on time and finish the semester.

Everything else? Well that’s up to me. Time won’t wait. And neither should I.

Something there to remind me

Once upon a time, I was determined to make it to the magazine industry.

I did, was discouraged, enlightened, and then wanted out.

Considering my options in the next chapter of my life, I actually thought, “maybe I don’t want to work in the magazine industry again. I just feel burned out from my experience of it.”

Then I realized, it wasn’t the industry. It was everything else that tried to forget why it was there in the first place and include their own agenda to the substance of the magazine.

I just needed to be reminded why I wanted this job and a future in it in the first place. Thank you