As the third month of 2013 draws to a close, so does the first term of the year (I prefer thinking in tris, then quarts; a green mind persists) and one year into graduate school. It seems the theme, in the last few months, has been about saying goodbyes and bringing in new beginnings. Then again, when is life not about transitioning into new chapters and leaving portions of our past? It just seems more pronounced with my leaving the job, trading full time for part time(s), a work-from-home/domesticated life, and shuffling academic requirements in between.
Ultimately, it has been slow couple of months, not as eventful as the daily clocking in of an 8 to 5, with my otherwise “busy” self used to having my hands and mouth busy with an array of monotonous or surprise activities. Then all of a sudden, I was brought into a life of self-imposed deadlines and self-initiated responsibilities. No one breathing down my back to do this or that, only me, myself, and I as the decider of my destiny. Up until now, this self-made responsibility is still more terrifying than being handed a suspension letter at work or going into your 3rd bloody workshop (and yes, I don’t mean it the way the British say that term :P).
But that is the meaning of growing up and not just growing old. Back in college, we were presupposed to follow the line of subjects and the curfews of responsible parenthood. Now I am faced with only my responsibility, my choice, and thus, myself paying for the consequences. I’ve probably written about this before, but the impact at 25, with bills to pay, a career that has to go somewhere, and the self-imposed need to be independent emphasize how much more stressful it really is.
So here I am, at the end of a first term going into the next. It seems appropriate to shift into the summer as the second. With less of an imposed schedule dictated by classes, there is both the opportunity to make more money and write: two tasks that can be conflicting or converging, depending on the opportunity. I am lucky to start with a few opportunities that can supply my needs and wants for another month, but as an adult, it’s about time to start thinking in the long-term. And looking out into a year and the rest of my years is terrifying, but a teleological approach is the practical and rewarding method.
So here’s to the sometimes blank but occasionally shaded future and my eagerness for everything to lead somewhere.