I officially marched last July 18. Even if it was delayed for a month and is much later than the march (every pun intended) semestral schools have, it was only this week that ‘reality’ hit me. Two days before my march, I finally got to start with my second job and was on my 2nd week of freelancing assignments. Reality–no allowance, working hours, no enrollment, different kinds of deadlines, saving instead of asking mama and papa for cash, etc. is finally happening. My current job is probably the biggest indicator I’m in the real world: I’m guiding kids through their studies. I’m no longer the one studying for a grade.
For the past 15 years, it’s always been about getting to the finish line. Get out of high school to break free from the crazy numeraries. Graduate college to pursue my dreams and ease my parents’ finances. I’ve finally reached the end of those lines. Now, I’m thinking–what’s the next line to cross? I’ve always been looking towards the future, not really enjoying or realizing the fruits of the present. And now that I have a bit more time to do so, I’ve decided to shift my focus from the finish line to the actual journey.
I always thought fully knowing myself would happen once those goals were reached. But as soon as I got to walk each march, more questions came up. Those questions will never stop coming, but life shouldn’t be always about asking goal oriented questions. Not that I’m losing sight of my big dreams–oh no. Columbia, making LK a success, a house/lot/car with my own family, and fully supporting my parents years from now are still in my vision. But right now, I need to know which signs to follow to really get me to those goals properly. I want to enjoy what’s already here and understand the person I am now in the process. I need to stop getting ahead of myself and focus on what’s already on my plate. I’ve still got a lot to learn and places to be. Why not start with what I can already learn with my current experiences and the places within my reach?
I’m going to keep this attitude for the next few months. There’s also been a lot of “why not go else where?” being said to me almost everyday. It’s really been tiring me out (and it doesn’t help that I hear it right after work), but I know I can be strong enough to pull through with my current committments. What will make me a better person is pulling through with my responsibilities. And that’s simply what I’m doing–which I know is right.