retrospective perspective

A year ago, I decided to start this blog to hone my craft as a writer. Who would have thought between those months I’d be struggling with finding the right topic and ultimately, not updating it for weeks. I got distracted by tumblr.com and enjoyed the convenience of twitter.com. After graduation, I ran out of topics to write. Eventually, I was hired as a teacher and got too tired to put things down. After my stint teaching, chance turned my way and I joined an IT company as a writer. I could blame the latter as well for my exhaustion and hence, lack of will to write something meaningful in here.

The very fact I wrote the last sentence scares me. During the beginning of the year, I resolved to write a piece entailing creativity and passion. But now I’m just too tired at the end of the day to wrack my brain. Weekends are spent making extra as I need to earn enough to sustain myself. Practicality vs. creativity. Money vs. freedom. Shouldn’t these things come hand in hand? Once they work together, the results are astounding. Take social networking sites, bestselling novels (except Twilight), and graphic design.

I’ve had a project in mind since last year, but fear and other priorities hold me back. I know perfectly well making it a priority will really set it in motion. But all those inspiring quotes on making things happen are easier said than done. I abhor what I’m becoming. I don’t want to limit myself to merely surviving on this world yet money is essential in lasting. Prices are getting higher and employment is harder to come by. How does an adult resolve all this? Wait, correction–how does a young adult resolve all this? I’m no longer a teenager yet I still can’t get the hand of this whole self-responsibility thing.

the university of life

The university of life has no flowcharts. There are no set curriculums, no regular classes with set teachers. Each day “discusses” different topics or requires unexpected field work “experiments.” Sometimes, it is filled with monotonous events that are only there to get you through the next day–or the next two weeks, if all you look forward to is pay day. Instead of terrifying majors, you have the terrifying prospect of the unexpected. Unexpected because you’ve finally graduated the expectation of being told what to do. Instead, it is all up to you.

There are risks I would dive in to take, given the money, citizenship, and opportunity. Yet at the same time, not having two out of those three as of the moment allow me to be more careful. Should I really do this? Or should I just be content with where I am now?

At this point, I’ve understood 2010 will be all about proper planning. I cannot make exact, calculated computations to predict an outcome. Life is filled with surprises. I can only expect so much but the rest will be up to me.

So, here’s to the 2nd month of the year. I am slowly reaching that “new direction” my life badly needs. And although it scares me I’m not sure where it will take me personally, mentally, or spiritually, I know that I should simply let things be…. life goes on, so should I.

Sorry to be vague, but so are my thoughts.