It certainly feels like ages since I’ve last updated my blog–or written something down for that matter. Not that I write for a living, which I still do, but lately, it’s required more editing, rephrasing, and organizing/reorganizing. My job mainly requires putting things together, in the midst of missed and rarely followed deadlines. My endless to-do list can get overwhelming, but I manage to get through each day with caffeine, laughter with co-workers, and the occasional night-outs with the TPD (thrice and counting? ;).
But once that to-do list is done, I can only wonder what’s left. I don’t want my job to define me. I realize there’s so much more, and that’s the downside to being merely employed. Your ‘growth’, ‘opportunities’, vacation days, and free hours are set by rules. I am lucky to have a job that has set hours, and not-so-much work on the weekends. But I will always find reasons to complain since not everything is in my control. The question then is, where and how do I find a balance? There’s all this talk about finding a “job that doesn’t feel like a job”, but being realistic, a steady income and benefits do have their advantages. And of course, whatever company or form of self-employment I eventually find myself in, there will be other sources of stress and disadvantages. It’s all a matter of compromise, I guess. Do the pros outweigh the cons, or vice-versa?
At the moment, I’m not quite sure. The biggest pro is the hours and the pay. I am able to live that fun, semi-reckless Friday/Saturday night lifestyle I couldn’t enjoy or bring myself to do back in high school or college. Yet my biggest fear is staying stuck–to always have the same things to complain about, and have my friends moving on and tired of hearing about the same, sad story. I am still envious of my friends who proudly say that the stress they endure is worth the trouble. At one point, I have to start seeking a better, and truly just as beneficial opportunity. The question is, when. There’s also the matter of timing, and having that perfect chance come about. Nothing is entirely in my control–there is the willingness of another party to let me grow, and if I am the right fit.
The year is halfway over. I’ll give this a year to settle, and I will hope and pray that the universe does lead me in the right direction. And of course, that I can find the courage to take that leap of faith.