Last night, I was ranting to one of my best friends about my post-wedding attendance feels. Weddings are a rollercoaster of emotions for single guests: on one hand, you’re uber happy for the couple and the new stage they’re entering in their lives. You wouldn’t be there if the bride or groom is part of your own life and witnessing couples bravely take the next step is always a sight worth witnessing. For me, it’s not so much about the ceremony taking place in front of the altar or the little parlor games held to break the silence during the reception dinner. I’m the sappy guest who lives for the look on the groom or bride’s face when he/she looks at his future wife/husband from the altar/as she walks down the aisle. It’s all about the vows they promise to make–the little inside jokes and unglamorous reveals of how they proved their love for each other to get to the “I do’s.”
There they were, and here I was, documenting another beautiful moment that I was faaaaaar from arriving at.
I hate making those things about me. I really do. Because proposing and saying yes to a proposal also takes work. It’s not something you wish for and hope happens to you overnight. A long-term relationship is hard enough to arrive at and make work for a few more years. It takes two to tango, like the cliche says.
So there I was, wondering if I was going to grow up an old maid. My best friend, however, broke my heart with her own take on weddings, in general.
“I hate going to weddings because I know I’ll never get to have one.”
While my heart was barely held together post-wedding ceremony, it finally broke and was shattered on the floor when I heard this. My bff was right. That person is right about something so wrong in our supposed “forward” and “modern” society.
Think about it. Why do some people oppose gay marriage? Okay, they have their reasons. But I’m not writing to oppose those reasons.
When we get right down to it, a marriage is a celebration of love. At least, that’s what we all look for and cry at in every modern day wedding right? It’s a promise declared to the other and the rest of the world (or God or whoever you want it to fall under!) is only there to bear witness.
Why the hell can’t my friend complain about growing up into spinsterhood, regardless of whether or not the partner is a man or a woman?
What others don’t realize in opposing same sex marriage is what they’re taking away from people. People–you know, men and women, like you and me? People who live, breath, love, lose, and mourn a loved one just like any other straight person who happens to have rights granted by paper.
You’re taking away their chance at building a life with a partner. You’re taking away their chance at a moment where they can tear you up with their vows. You’re taking away the 3 or so years spent at arriving at a “Yes” to an “I do.”
You’re taking away their chance to be witnessed as men and women, people–regardless of gender or gender preference–just like you.
You’re taking away a shot at a forever in our short lives. Forever is also tax cuts, mutual property rights, equal custody between parents, and all the other practical stuff the law provides for marriages.
And yet we spend our short lives declaring their love immoral or unfit for our society. That these people who work, live, and love don’t “deserve” to care for each other in the forever they promise without a ceremony.
How do you plan on spending your short life?
Me, I plan on spending it loving people. Loving them regardless of whom they choose to love as long as that person–man or woman–doesn’t abuse or disrespect them. That love also entails writing posts like these and forever fighting for a chance to witness all kinds of weddings.