Getting there

No one every said growing old was easy. During my first stages of 20-something, I was always hoping that like college, there was some sort of flowchart to indicate where I’m headed next. But then what’s the point of moving from college course flowcharts to an unexpected turn of events? We hurdle through our first jobs, impossible employers, paycheck to paycheck living, and everything responsible and adult in between to be able to make our own decisions. 

Some of these decisions I haven’t made with certainty. My life in the last six years has been about doing some things I’m not sure of in order to reach some semblance of certainty. I was never quite sure about pursuing a scientific, technical degree, and when I my gut decided it wasn’t for me, I took the alternate route of the publishing industry. It hasn’t been easy either, or as glamorous as most people would expect. But every time I find myself exerting more effort than I ever expected, overcoming challenges I found impossible at first, and forging closer bonds with amrazing people amid all the craziness, I am thankful that my life is finding its place. You can’t always know where you’re headed exactly, but I’ve made a major decision for this year that will help me get there. That and, as responsibilities multiply at work, I won’t find myself bored or stagnant with my current preoccupations.

It’s been an interesting week at work, in fact, beating my body up since last Thursday. Nonetheless, it’s as if my body has set itself to default work mode because that’s all it’s used to. After making up for the lack of sleep in the last few days, I woke up at 3pm (officially) to a call from Singapore regarding one of my future assignments. It took yet another call from what I do to keep me up; that may be sad for most, but honestly, I don’t mind finding myself in this workaholic state (for now). I don’t just write for a living–just as I had set for myself nearly two years ago; I put several things together and meet interesting people that color my life in the most unexpected ways possible. The motivation I get from all these just means I really love what I do and I’m grateful for being given the opportunity to do so on every weekday, and occasionally, on the weekends. 

I know that there will more setbacks and surprises in the future; loving what you do is one thing, but reaping the rewards of hard work is another. Motivational speakers and articles don’t really talk about how difficult it was to get where they were–at least, the publicized and edited version of it. We all want to believe we can achieve that level without any difficulty. But as much as I cry, sacrifice, and lament over the difficulties of the job, I know I can handle it. Weaknesses are there to help us reevaluate ourselves and understand how we can move forward instead of back from our limitations. I am not the wisest, strongest, or most practical person in the world–but I am slowly learning and hopefully will come out ‘grown up’ and not just old and jaded. 

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