mid-week crisis

Never settle, they say. Reach for your dreams and always aim high. If you reach a low point, then you  shouldn’t settle for that.

I never settle for mediocre work. I wasn’t exactly a stellar academic student, so I am making up for it with dedicated, high quality, organized, and persevering hard work. And it’s not just cause I am making amends, it is also because I love what I do. After all, I wouldn’t be so motivated to finish if I didn’t enjoy it. Yes, I like feeling like a god. Creation is what I do–all right, production is a better word. I put something together and I love that satisfaction of seeing it in its polished finish.

Now settling for bullshit–or as Jason Bateman’s character in Horrible Bosses puts it, “Putting up with shit–is another matter. You will run into people who will pull you down. There will be people who get away with being lazy because they can. And then there are those who look better simply because they have the favorable aura: they’re charming, good at networking and chatting everyone up. Or they could just be attractive, hence the primal, intuitive favorable response from everyone else.

And you have to put up with them, because it’s part of the job. It’s just another hurdle–nothing that can’t kill you can only make you stronger.

But settling for people’s shit? That doesn’t make you stronger. It makes you meaner, bitter, and angrier. It makes you exasperated and impatient. It makes you tired, and wonder why life isn’t fair.

I’m tired, angry, bitter, and have had enough. But it isn’t the “have had enough” that leads to a revolution; it is resignation–seeing that maybe 4, 5 years from now, I could still be muttering these things to myself, doing what I can to do my work well, but having people’s bullshit pull me down. That’s terrifying.

But a bigger picture is always at hand: the final goal. Helping your family out. Getting day by day. Living as dignified as I can.

I remember these things, and complaining about all that shit seems selfish.

That and a Lit chair once told me, all the hardships you’re going through? They’ll make for great pieces in the future.

The future? Hopefully that has less shit.

 

 

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