The delayed update

My life has been relatively routine:

  1. Wake up as early as my body wills, after a night of interrupted sleep thanks to mama’s snoring 
  2. Eat a quick breakfast, chug down coffee
  3. Board two trains, hiss or swear at crazy women/pushing their way in
  4. Board the jeep then cover my nose or cough at the awful smog at EDSA and JP Rizal
  5. Walk a few minutes to the office
  6. Follow up articles, wait for them, edit, proof
  7. Stare at the work MAC blankly when no articles come in
  8. Have lunch and snacks around the area
  9. Come home to taft, repeating 3&4 in reverse, with added crazy crossing to the condo
  10. Number one in reverse, with dinner at home or nearby
In between these usual moments, I always find something to be irrirated at. It could be a bike or motorcycle rushing into a pedestrian lane, or the mass of boarding passengers who won’t let people out first. It could also be those unmotivational moments where my ‘career’ feels like it’s going nowhere. I find it most unsettling that this feeling of ‘nowhere’ was the same sentiments I had exactly a year ago, only at a different job, office, profession, and location. I had hoped to avoid history repeating, but it has. Thankfully the repetition is due to factors beyond my control (we cannot change other people, but we can change how we react to them), which means, as a friend said upon telling him my dilemma: “what’s next?”
But to move forward means to take a look back, and see how far one has gone. A year ago, I was somewhat different, but I don’t think I’ve completely changed. I still think I’m not as brave as I should be. To take that next leap of faith, without any fear of the consequences (but still taking them into account). The confidence to do something BIG has yet to be built, and at this point, I just think I should go ahead once the opportunity comes up. Leaps are important, but the jump should be like a hunter’s–pursuing and waiting for the right opportunity to come up, and once the time feels right, the attack comes into play.
Routines are necessary to repeat for the sake of moving on day by day, but we can pursue a somewhat deviant action that we can look forward to. Having something new always refreshes one’s view, making the sometimes blah grind worth going through. 

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